Here we go again!

So as I sit on my kitchen counter, watching the door close on another chapter in my life, I can't help but want to vent out all the negativity.  But let's be honest, it would only cause more damage on an un-fixable situation.  Sometimes, as great as someone is, they may just not be the person you are meant to end up with.  The hardest part, is coming to that realization.  You learn a lot about yourself in times like this.  I learned that I have to keep moving forward, with laughter..... That being said, let me explain to you my day after a break up.  

As I lay in bed the next morning, crying in self-pity, I get a text from my mother telling me to meet them for lunch.  I tell her she's nuts and she immediately starts the mom talk.  "Oh you cannot just lay there and be depressed, you have to get up and do something.  No one is going to make this better but you... Blah Blah BLAH!"  Everything I didn't want to hear.  So what do I do?  Of course.  I get up and meet my parents for lunch.  Here we are, eating our subs (or crying into mine), we start laughing at the poor dad in his Honda mini van taking a picture of the gorgeous Ferrari parked next to it.  Poor dude. Four kids and every dream killed.  So we start looking around, trying to figure out who is driving the Ferrari.  Douche with his bluetooth in?  Well dressed older man and bitchy wife?  Nah, Michael Redd.  Ladies, he is gorgeous... oh and loves his kids and fiance getting into the brand new Rover.  Crap.  So much for that plan.  

I finish choking down my sandwich and tell my momma I didn't want to be alone.  So she rides with me back to their place and we lay on the couch and vent about life.  Then she leaves me for a double date!  Thanks Mom and Dad.  Jerks.  Glad you all have a life.  Luckily she left me the credit card to order my Christmas gifts.  It took all I had not to buy a killer pair of stilettos!  I turn off the sappy movie I'm watching and am about to just crash at 7:00 when my girlfriend asked if I want to go to a party.  Heck yeah!  I need booze and lots of it at this point.  So we get already and then she drops the bomb... Oh yeah, it's an engagement party.  Seriously?  Lovely.  The day after my break up, less than 24 hours.  Yes, let me go celebrate someone else's wonderful relationship.  I'm not bitter.  So I get all dressed up and am actually holding it together.  It was just nice to be around people, and vodka.  Oh but wait... it gets better... Who walks in??  The best man... A guy I went out on a date with a couple of years ago and to say the least, never spoke to again.  Hello Awkward!  At this point, I want to just cry but all I can do is laugh uncontrollably.  This is my life.  I have never met these people before in my life and the best man just happens to be a bad date.  Really?  I broke the ice and said hello and all was good, until all of the girls were standing around talking about working out, body shapes and what not, when the entire place goes silent as I blurt out my cup size... Thank god it was only about 20 degrees outside because I was about as red and hot as the inside of an oven.  Why are the gods so cruel?  Story of my life.  Never a dull moment.  Thank you for always making it interesting.

So what's next?  God only knows.  I think I need to work on me... but if the hot football player looking guy who checked me out at the Redbox tonight just happens to find my number, go ahead and use it.  I'll be free!  Until then... here we go again :)

Top 10 Reasons I'd Like a Man In My Life...

10. Cooking for 1 sucks.

9. If I get a dog, who will clean up after her?

8. I'd like to stop crying at sappy movies.

7. It's wedding season.

6. I need someone to drive the car on road trips.

5. Spooning.

4. Euchre? Kind of need a partner.

3. I could use an excuse to wear these cute shoes out.

2. My mattress is sinking in the middle.

1. I really don't want to end up on The Bachelor.

"Why does everything have to be about you?"

"Because I'm single!"

I'm starting to pity my co-works.  They go home to their happy families and then when they come into work, they have to hear all of the details from every bad date I've been on recently.  I haven't decided if they're laughing at me or with me.  They've joked about making a bulletin board to track my dating life.  If you ask me, I don't think they are kidding.

As for my friends, I think they are looking for eligible guys for me, more than I am.  I find it funny... the guys they point out are rarely my type.  I refuse to go on another blind date that a close friend hooks me up with.  I might just start questioning our friendship after the bad date.  Starting to wonder what they think of me?  Is that the kind of person you imagined me with?  I'm not high maintenance but I do have standards.  Number 1-Personality!  You have to have some kind of connection on a date, if not, I might as well go have dinner with my 80 something year old accounting professor.

I heard some crazy fact like 89% of people someone they had meet before the after of 21 or something like that.  That's a terrifying fact.  Pretty sure I have dated half of them and the rest are not husband material... Unless they have moved passed the wetting the bed stage and move into a strapping young man I have no seen since we were kids.  I think I'm hoping to be one of the 11% who have to meet their significant other after 21.

My attraction to unavailable men has got to stop.  

Until then, yes, it's all about me...

Because when I find the right guy... love, it will be all about you! 

A pair of shoes can change your life!

Just look at Cinderella!

My life hasn't had the fairytale happy ending just yet... but with every new pair of shoes I buy, I feel like I am a step closer to prince charming.  As long as he's not 5'2''.   I have a larger than life personality and already stand 5'8'', throw 5 inch heels on top of that and I am the life of the party.  PS. I am in a much better mood tonight.  I had my first second date in a long time.  It's amazing how much you can enjoy yourself when someone has a personality and manners.  I have also learned from my last blog... never post cranky. HAHA... I re-read my blog a few days later and noticed a bunch of mistakes and laughed about how pissy it came across.

So, If anyone of you know my dating history, you should know there are a few men who were going to make it in here eventually.  Nothing like 7 years of my life, on and off, being a lovesick puppy dog to a boy, or my Mr. Big, who never threw a girl a bone, figuratively speaking of course.  I understand timing is everything and we were young and reckless.  Not to mention we kept trading off the cities we lived in.  I would be lying if I said we didn't have our fun though.  I'm the kind of girl who goes all out on everything.  So when it comes to dating, I'm all in.... But there comes a point in time when you realize your heart strings just won't stretch anymore and eventually break.  

Why do we women feel the need to hang on to someone or something that only brings us down?   I don't think I ever received a Christmas or birthday gift and I never missed an occasion.  I may had been treated to one dinner the whole time we knew each other.  Oh yeah, let's talk about how special I felt at a wedding in Chicago when it was pouring down raining trying to get my luggage out of the back of the trunk (after a 6 hour drive riding bitch the whole way) while he stood there under the awning never once asking if I needed help.  How about the time he left me in the middle of the crowds on campus for the OSU v USC game.  He never once looked back to make sure I able to keep up and he didn't answer my text or calls?  I ended up making friends with a bunch of random people, which, well I know I have no problem doing.  However, by the time he decided he was ready to find me, he was 3 sheets to the wind and stumbling all over himself.  As I stand on the side of the road trying to hail a cab, he was cursing me and calling me a "whore ass bitch" for not finding a cab as he falls head first into the bushes.  Thanks to my amazing father, he came and picked me up in the middle of the arena district at 2 am.  Just my luck, my keys and belongings were in Big's car.  So pops drove us to German Village and he a nice night sleep in the back of his car and my dad drove me back to New Albany.  I suppose it was my fault... I was wearing Old Navy Flip Flops... I should have worn the red peep toe stilettos.  Total game changer.

So what's up with all this rambling... what's the point?  Entertainment, understanding, venting.  I don't know.  I've been toying around with posting random things I love that pertain to my love life or dating in general.  I live through music and art so I've been feeling crafty. I think this one suits just fine. Not to mention with Memorial Day weekend coming up, get ready to strut with your friends.  Go be young and careless.  Be safe!!!  Just don't be Mr. Big!  It's amazing what a little respect and common curtsy can get ya.  You're all beautiful... Just know that.

Stuck in the Friend's Zone

Does any single person every like to hear what a great friend they are from the opposite sex?  I sure as hell do... not.  What can be more insulting than hear what an amazing woman you are and that I am such a catch, but I think we are better friends??  Or the whole I need to work on my career and education, and after a year of a 'non-relationship', they move to another state for a new job and school and end up dating someone they maybe met 4 times and then decided a long-distance relationship would be better than the girl they just told is 'perfect girl'.  Can you say slap in the face?  Be real with me.  I am sorry I am not the type of girl to sit there and know my role.  I have a personality.  Deal with it.  I'm sorry that you're not comfortable enough to handle all I can give.  Because I can totally understand how unconditional, giving love can be terrifying from someone who speaks her mind.  

I mean WTF!  Grow some balls and be a man.  And not like the horrifying date I had at a sushi restaurant a while back.  The guy was 25 minutes late. Talked about his two chihuahuas (Butt-hole and Cooter), yeah I'm not kidding. Then proceeded to put his chopsticks in his teeth like fangs. Proceeded to yell "BALLS" at the top of his lungs (I begged for him to tell me he has turrets, but no, he just likes to do it randomly to 'entertain himself')... oh and it gets better... He ultimately squeezed and edamame with his fingers and hit the woman in the head at the table next to me.  Laughed like a teenage girl and then tried to do it again.  Needless to say, I stood up and told him he could get the check and left the restaurant as he yelled, "does this mean I shouldn't call!?"

Honestly, I'm started to seriously question single men.  Are all the good ones seriously taken??  Is the BALLS boy the only kind of guys left out there?  I love my guy friends, but always hearing about their love lives and them talking to me like I am one of the guys really is started to concern me.  Am I always going to be stuck in the friends zone?  Permanent Wing-man?  When will those talks about the hot girl at the concert be about me?  Guys, if you are my friend and that's all you want... stop staring at the girls and trying to grab my ass.  I'm not your toy.  These killer shoes deserve more respect than the half of a cherry bomb you couldn't finish.  Just sayin...

Dropping Glasses

Being single has it's perks, too.  Take for instance, I haven't had my last first kiss.  Is there anything sexier than a first kiss??  The anticipation after a long date, a night of drinking and flirting, someone you have had a crush on for a few years... when the times comes... the knees get weak, chills run down your spine and you drop your drink.  HAHA.  A kiss can take you from a dorky, nervous young girl to a sexy, confident woman in seconds.

No kiss is ever the same.  My first kiss had all the potential to be amazing, went to a movie, he was older, in the pouring down rain, dropping me off at the front door... but it was just weird and awkward considering I had no idea what I was doing.  From then out, they've been all over the board.  I've had the kind that make you back away slowly, trying not to offend the other person but it's just so bad.  Some are just fun an playful and always welcomed!  Ugh, the unwelcomed kind.  The 'holy crap did that just happen' kind.  There should be a documentary on this stuff.

You can tell a lot about a person, and what they are thinking, just by a kiss.  Do they grab your hand? Face? HAIR? Just don't attack us and if you do, add a little soft side in there somewhere like pushing their bangs out of their face or pulling up their sleeve that is sliding down.  And oh lord, what about the guys who find the need to poke you with their tongue, while others act like it's a wet rag.  Come on guys... Stop watching porn and watch a couple of chick flicks and your realize there is more than just trying to get down our throat.

Every now and then, you have that magic moment.  It is the kind of kiss that stays with you even after it is over.  It changes you.  I've only had the pleasure to experience a few of these kisses and the men have made monumental impact on who I am today.  I may despise a few of those guys and have completely different relationships with them now but I can still feel the first kiss.  It's the one good feeling you never want to let go of.

I'd gladly welcome my last first kiss, because that only means there will be plenty more new first to follow.  But for now... I better practice so I know it's perfect when the times comes!

Spring Break!!

So, it is the first day of Spring Break, aka: I get one night off from class, and it definitely isn't like it used to be.  Let's compare.

Today, I:

-Woke up at 5:30 not hungover and went to work by 7:00

-Drank a Diet Cherry Pepsi (and then a diet Mt. Dew)

-Listen to people lie and whine about their check being late when they are too lazy to go to the doctor to get a form filled out for their non-existent disability

-Ate a turkey sandwich for lunch (no mayo, no cheese, no chips)

-Browsed eBay for a cute new summer dress to wear to a wedding shower (another one bites the dust)

-Ordered the Tourist on the Redbox website because I wanted to be sure I had it (like everyone is rushing out to watch it)

-Spent $57.06 (dammit) on gas

-Paid bills

-Browsed Facebook to discover more pregnant and engaged friends

-Made a box of Stovetop Stuffing and a Fat Free Turkey Hot Dog
-Lost a contact - Blind as a bat

...Man, life is grand.

8 years ago, I:

-Went to bed at 5:30, still drunk as hell after arriving in Key West

-Woke up and poured some sort of flavored vodka and juice into a water bottle and headed to the beach

-Listen to people talk about their one night stands and blackouts from the night before

-Pitched in for a cheese pizza because it was greasy and all we could afford (or wanted to afford)

-Showed off my cute new bikini and cheerleading shorts

-Made our own version of the movie The Tourist, walking down Duvall Street, drinking and getting hit on by creepy old men

-Ran up new bills at the bar, then had the creepy old men pay for them

-Posted all of our shenanigans on Facebook (when my mom wasn't my Facebook friend)

-Ate the left over pizza on the floor and passed out to only do it again the next morning
-Woke up: Sunglasses on

My, how times have changed.

I look at my brother and sister and wish I could go back to the 'good ol days'...  My conversations have gone from, "What flavor jello shots are we making?" and "What was his name again?" to "The kids both have ear infections" and "Sorry, we couldn't make it, we couldn't find a babysitter."  I am officially stuck in the in-between.  I am still working on perfecting the perfect cocktails but yet cannot keep up like I used to when we go out.  By 10:30, the feet are killing and the yawns start uncontrollably.  I have found a new love in 5-hour Energy!

I miss the invincible days...  Showing our cleavage to get free drinks, front row at rock shows, car bombs till you puke on the shoes of a girl who slept with the guy you like (totally by accident).  We could go to bed at 4 am, head to classes from 8-1 (yes I went to class), nap for 5 hours and be ready to party like a rockstar all night.  Now I need 5 days just for a happy hour.  
 
I'm still learning every day to how adjust to the grown up life... I try to relive my glory days with 4 1/2 inch heels and the occasional girls night out.  I truly love my life and the people in it, but if you know any single guys, let me know... I need to catch up in that department and need to have something to bring to the table during morning talks at work!

Well, time to enjoy my spring break... and by that I mean, Ambien and sleep.

So where do I start?

Part of me wants to just spill it all right here.  But I have to keep ya coming back for more right?  Kind of like dating.  You don't want to give it all away on the first date.  You have to show your best self before all the dirty little secrets come out.  Maybe that's why I am single... should I show all my flaws over a glass of wine and something cheap on the menu so he doesn't think I am gold digger? My opening line on the next date should be, "Hi nice to meet you!  I'm indecisive, twirl my hair, like to house a half of a Papa John's pizza, have a really bad habit of forgetting to rinse out the sink after I brush my teeth and oh yeah, I want a family cause the clock is ticking."  Pretty sure he'd check out immediately.  Why is it so scary for men to hear that a woman wants a family?  It's not like I have herpes or anything.  I don't know.  I mean there is a pill for both of those issues I suppose.

So here we go.  From the beginning.

Growing up... I was to say the least, the outgoing, nerdy, athletic, flat chested dork who all the guys wanted to be friends with but never once made me feel pretty.  But then there was my first boyfriend.  He was not exactly my dream man, (you know, captain of the football team and a version of McDreamy), but damn I loved that kid.  It all started with the skater boy in geometry.  Standing outside by the bleachers, because of a bomb threat (how romantic), stumbling over his word, he asked me to prom.  Sure why not?  His blue eyes were kind of charming.  Well, after about 2 days of hanging out with him, thanks to his sister and mine, I was hooked.  Who knew there were charming guys out there besides the meat heads I was attracted to.   

We were inseparable.  I was going to marry this guy!  High school sweethearts, amazing family, I got him to wear Banana Republic, who could ask for more??  Well.  Me.  He was a year older and come to find out incredibly jealous.  When I went off to college, he could not handle it.  Every day it was an interrogation phone call.  "Where were you last night?  Who was there?  Did you kiss anyone?"  Same story.  Everyday.  Why on Earth did he always think the worst?  Apparently, he saw something in me that I had not realized until college.  Looking back, I understood his concern.  I grew about 5 inches, 3 cup sizes and a whole lot of confidence.  And hell if I didn't love the attention. 

Needless to say, we broke up.  I had this new found independence I was ready to explore and he wasn't ready to let me.  There was a lot of heartache there.  I think I always thought in the back of my mind we would get back together after I sowed my wild oats.  I still miss him.  Sadly, he was taken from us way too early.  Life is strange.  The what if's will break us if we dwell on them.  He is in a better place and I can only thank him for molding me into the strong woman I am today.  Thank you for helping me realize I am loved for who I am and to never settle for anything less than happy.

R.I.P. WRA 7-25-09 <3

A long time coming...

So here I sit, needing to studying for accounting, yet all I can think about are my failed relationships and awful dating history.  I like to think of myself as a catch, or so I like to reassure myself, so why do I have such trouble in the dating pool?  

Sure, all of my good friends are married with kids.  Sure they all have married friends. Sure all the single guys I know are mostly gay or incredibly immature/damaged.  But there are tons of fish in the sea, right???  Apparently, all of the fish left have been tainted by oil spills and pollution because the men I have met lately, are seriously insane.  From 35 year old's who try to drink like they are 20 year old college students to 23 year old meat heads who took one too many hits in football...  I have stories for days about the ridiculous dates I have been on over my dating career.  Some of you know them and always tell me I could write a book.  

Well, here I am.  Writing a blog.  Call me the next Carrie Bradshaw- High expectations, self-aware with quite the shopping problem.  What's the point of all this?  Comical insight to my inner thoughts and single life.  Turn away now... It's probably best.  Sarcasm runs thick and I'm not holding back.